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Empathy is often misunderstood. Dismissed as too soft for the boardroom. Too emotional for decision-making. Too slow for fast-paced systems. Or in some cases, a weakness. Empathy is none of those things. It is what anchors us in our shared humanity, even as we lead. Especially when we lead.
In Coacharya’s recent webinar on Leading with Empathy, the conversation moved beyond coaching competencies and corporate language. It invited us into something more fundamental: how we show up for each other, not just as coaches or leaders, but as human beings.
The True Meaning of Empathy
One of the most striking moments from the webinar came when Coacharya faculty member Richa Chadha recalled a story she had once heard early in her coaching journey. It wasn’t her own, but it stayed with her—and for good reason. It captured the essence of empathy in a way that words often fail to: simple, clear, and deeply human.
“If someone’s down in a pothole and crying, and you jump in with them and cry too—that’s sympathy. But if you stay at the top, hold space, and help them find a way out—that’s empathy.”
This image is powerful because it challenges the instinct to “do” something when people are struggling. Sympathy often compels us to mirror distress, to become overwhelmed alongside the person in pain. But empathy asks for something deeper and more demanding: presence without rescue.
Empathy, as Richa explained, is about being deeply present, especially when it’s uncomfortable. That discomfort might come from not having answers, not knowing what to say, or feeling helpless. But staying present anyway—that’s where empathy lives.
She illustrated this through a story from her childhood: watching her grandmother grieve in silence. Richa, only eight or nine at the time, didn’t know how to comfort her. So she simply sat beside her in silence for days, unsure of what to say. One evening, her grandmother gently took her hand and said, “You don’t have to say anything. I know that you’re here.”
That moment stayed with her. And it gave voice to something most leaders—and many coaches—struggle to understand: Empathy is presence, not performance. It’s not in the words you say or the solutions you offer. It’s in your willingness to witness pain without being consumed by it, and without turning away from it.
In leadership contexts, this is especially vital. Many leaders confuse empathy with emotional over-identification or soft management. But as the webinar reminded us, empathy isn’t about lowering standards or sugar-coating truth. It’s about creating space where others feel seen, heard, and supported—without being rescued or judged.
Empathy is misunderstood. And often, it’s underrated. But for those willing to practice it—willing to be present in discomfort—it becomes a leadership superpower.
Where Empathy Matters Most in Coaching
Empathy isn’t a coaching technique; it’s a way of being. And according to the panelists, the moments where empathy matters most are often the moments we least expect.
Smita R. reflected on how empathy can get compromised when the expert bias sneaks in, especially when coaches come from problem-solving cultures. She shared how her own banking background made her prone to offering solutions, however subtly. Even with the best intentions, this impulse can take ownership away from the client. Add time pressure to the mix, and it becomes easy to prioritize outcomes over presence.
She also named a common trap: the rescue instinct. Coaches want to help. But helping, if not done with awareness, can become rescuing, which may unintentionally disempower the client.
Anshu Bhargava emphasized that empathy often shows up in the smallest moments. She recalled a peer coaching session where a coach simply noticed her taking a sharp breath. That one observation shifted the entire conversation. It reminded her that empathy lives in noticing, not in perfect questions. It’s in witnessing the shifts in a client’s energy or tone, and reflecting those back with care.
She also pointed out how empathy can guide session flow, not by chasing every thread the client offers, but by pausing and asking, “What’s resonating with you most right now?” This honors the client’s inner knowing rather than following the coach’s curiosity.
Richa Chadha admitted to a moment early in her coaching when she made a connection for the client before they had the chance to arrive at it themselves. While the insight was valid, the impact was off. It was a gentle but lasting reminder: the journey belongs to the client.
Across these reflections, a clear theme emerged: Empathy matters most when we’re tempted to take over, whether by fixing, interpreting, or rushing. Instead, the invitation is to pause, stay present, and trust the client to find their own way forward. That’s where the real work—and the real transformation—happens.
Empathy Isn’t What You Think It Is
Empathy is often misunderstood. It’s not about feeling for someone. It’s about being with them, without needing to fix, rescue, or offer solutions.
As shared in the webinar, sympathy is when you climb down into someone’s emotional well and cry with them. Empathy is when you stay grounded above, hold the rope, and gently support them as they find their own way up. It’s presence, not pity.
Empathy is not:
- Giving advice disguised as “powerful questions”
- Rushing to reflect an insight before the client arrives at it
- Projecting your discomfort onto the client’s pace or silence
Empathy is:
- Holding space without urgency or agenda
- Noticing a deep breath, a shift in energy, a glance—and letting that matter
- Trusting that the client knows, even when they don’t yet know they know
And, For Coaches:
- You don’t use empathy. You live it.
- You don’t perform empathy. You practice presence.
- You’re not there to fix. You’re there to witness and support.
Empathy Is Where Leadership Begins
In a world craving connection over control, empathy is no longer optional—it’s essential. Especially for those who lead. Coaching invites us to step beyond titles and tactics, into presence, humility, and true partnership.
If you’re a leader ready to deepen your impact from the inside out, Coacharya’s upcoming Coach to Lead ICF Level 1 coach training, led by our co-founder Ram Ramanathan, offers a powerful path forward. Back after several years, Ram brings decades of wisdom to this immersive program, designed for leaders who want to do more than lead.
(This blog post is based on the recent Coacharya webinar, Leading with Empathy: Creating Space for Client Ownership in Coaching, and aims to provide a general overview of the key takeaways. For more in-depth information, please refer to the original webinar recording.)
Webinar Video
